Octopus' Garden

Friday, July 04, 2008


Coyote Eyes:

JM: I don't like watch that show Bones. That girl, she have funny eyes. She have the crazy coyote eyes. Such ugly. I can't stand it.

AH: Who are you talking about? Michaela Conlin? Tamara Taylor? I'm not sure who you're talking about.

JM: Everybody know! She the one! With eyes like crazy coyote! They follow you around like ghost.

AH: Do you mean Emily Deschanel?

JM: Whichever one. Such pale see-through color. Look like some kind of ghost. Like crazy ghosty coyote eyes.

Father's Day:

JM: Just barely get here, but your father get your card. He thought you sign you name and then put four A's afterward.

AH: Those aren't A's.

JM: I know! I tell him don't be stupid! But he say look like four A's. He say, "What's that? Ah, ah, ah, ah."

AH: Ah?

JM: I have to tell him no! Those you make drawing of your Brat Cat! With ear and whisker! I have to tell him his daughter make drawing of Brat Cat all over his Father Day card.

AH: Yeah. Tell him those are his grand cats.

JM: Don't you dare! Your father seed have nothing to do with those Brat Cat.


JM: Those Brat Cat not from his seed!

AH: OMFG. [Hands over ears} La la la la la la la!

Wishy Washy:

JM: I hate that one. I can't stand him!

AH: Who?

JM: They all go complete gaga about him and say he McDreamy. Hello! He not McDreamy. He can't make up his mind about anything. First go one way. Then go another. He complete confuse. I can't believe he brain surgeon.

AH: No?

JM: No! Who going to let such confuse person operate their brain? Why anybody think he so-call good catch? Plus he have rat face. I don't like it.

AH: Really.

JM: Yeah. Hello, McDreamy! I think he a little bit wet. He complete wishy-washy.

AH: Hmm . . . McWishy-Washy?

JM: Yeah. That's it. McWishy-Washy.
posted by Artichoke Heart at 12:16 AM


Does JM read your poetry?
Blogger mahnu.uterna, at 8:09 AM  
Mahnu Uterna: She does. It doesn't consistently garner good reviews, I might add. ;)
Blogger Artichoke Heart, at 11:48 AM  
Why you always write about *bugs*? And never rhyming bugs? What kind of poetry is that?

Blogger mahnu.uterna, at 2:32 PM  
Ha! Actually, it's more along the lines of: "I going to sue you for libel!"
Blogger Artichoke Heart, at 4:09 PM  
I have to agree with your mother about McWishy-Washy.
Blogger Pamela, at 6:43 PM  
Coyote eyes. Love it!
Blogger jeannine, at 11:30 PM  
I adore your mother. She should be a professional comedian. Does she know how hilarious she is? She knows she's a total ham, right? You obviously got your humor from her.
Anonymous tourquoise, at 2:52 PM  
Once again, the hilarity! You capture it all so well, so clearly, so very funnily.

Thank you for this!
Blogger a., at 3:56 PM  
I love these posts!

I had a really hard time explaining to my ma today that we're getting rid of the land line that we never use, and just using the cell phones. She thought I should get one cell phone to use as my home phone. Oh dear.
Blogger Penultimatina, at 7:58 PM  
I agree with your JM on both Coyote Eyes and rat face.

his seed! his seed!

Blogger Radish King, at 10:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:01 PM  
that is some funny shit!
Blogger Joel Waters, at 5:44 PM  
omg. my mom cannot stand patrick dempsey either. seriously, your mom is HIL-ar-i-ous!! i just came back from a week with my own in FL, so i will be posting some bon mots too.
Blogger cornshake, at 9:24 PM  
This is possibly the funniest thing I've read all year! I went back through your blog looking for more of these conversations and all I can say is - MORE PLEASE.
Blogger LG Burroughs, at 10:45 PM  

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