On the way into my office the other day, I came upon a squirrel on the steps just outside the entrance, vigorously licking the brickwork of the building. His front paws were braced against the building, his rapt squirrel head was bobbing away, and I could hear his tiny little squirrel tongue rasping against the brick.

I mean, really. What can one even say to a squirrel like that?

1. No one likes a brick licker?

2. Stay back, oh ye potentially rabid and/or demented Beastlet of the Corn?

3. So brick’s the new black?

4. Brickalicious?

6. No, no, no . . . that Tony Hoagland poem read light switch not masonry.

6. Hunh?.

I'd say (3) "So brick's the new black?"

Or maybe, "So brick's the new sushi?"

Hee. I like "So brick's the new sushi?" So very Sex in the City-esqe. Except wait. This is not the city. Make that Sex in the Sticks-esque.

Maybe he had some kind of nutrient deficiency?

Or pica... pregnant women get that sometimes and end up gnawing on weird stuff like drywall.

In either case, the intervention is probably not your responsibility.